Gypsies make difficult friends for ordinary people, and he was something of a gypsy. This line was part of the description for one of the main characters of The Bridges of Madison County. It may be just an exaggeration, but a there times I felt like this was the perfect excuse whenever I am lonely. Afterall, I see myself as something of a gypsy. Maybe that and I'm half introverted.
This morning, I woke up with the same burden. It hurt and I cried (golly, I hate crying but it's time again for sweet release). I know I have friends but it feels like there's still something missing. I just can't make a hundred percent connection. Did I, uncounsciously build walls? Was I hard to penetrate? How could that be? I don't even have secrets anymore! A friend once told me I don't exert effort for another person. Fine. So I tried to improve on that, and i think I made improvements. Am I selfish? Boring? Self-centered? Not good enough? Too plain? Or just more different than the average?
Depressing. For moments there I didn't care if I died. If it weren't for my mom & dad's sacrifices (especially dad's), I wouldn't even care about failing. But I had to get over it coz it's crazy and complaining will not do me any good. So I turned to God and asked Him to heal me. And I felt so much better.
In their own special way, the people that have entered my life did good things for me and that's what matters. And whenever I feel alone, I have the Lord. That's enough. That's just me, and I like me for me.