I'm back! wasn't able to log in for weeks coz of neuro exams, then after that my dad took his comp with him to Cebu (for a week). What have i been up to the first week of this summer break? I made sure I had a good start by joining the retreat (Days with the Lord). It was very good. Truthfully, I only felt really grateful to have joined it only after...I mean, I already know most of the stuff they were feeding me so it was like, ok...what else? I wasn't forced into this but I dunno, I was (unconsciously maybe) trying to not just open myself up, coz if I do I'll be so vulnerable, and I don't like that. But what the heck. I asked for this didn't I? I was like, ok I'm going coz I wanna feed my soul. So part of me was like ok Jade give it up, just break your wall. So ok I allowed a crack. But part of me was still trying to be so hard. Well, eventually, I gave up the fight. And it gave me peace. It was refreshing coz before that I was getting paranoid...this fear was killing me, was tiring me. It was like getting an answer finally. So I guess I'm over with this kind of retreat, maybe next time it'll be a different one...a zen retreat perhaps.

Talked to an old friend. I feel sorry for her. I wish I could be there but I can't coz she's in FEU while I'm in UST. That must really suck. Imagine going to school everyday without friends. Med is already toxic and having no one around you to help cope with all the pressure is so depressing. I can't imagine her alone during lunch breaks/free time. It's this bad: she'd feel so disappointed whenever there were no exams just coz she had no one to hang around in school. Imagine her picking up something else to read to fill up that time when she doesn't have to. And I know her! She is such a fun loving person. I can't picture the kind of people there are over in that institution! Zombies?!!! God, it must've been so horrible. I'm more of an introvert but I also get depressed when I get too much time alone, how much more with her? We'll hang out together sometime this summer, to make her feel better and forget her med life for a while. I do miss having her around...she was my partner in crime when we were in high school. The closest friend I had during those days.

O yah, speaking of high school...where we had the retreat, Xavier school, in the building were we had it, reminded me so much of GMIS...the quadrangle--the bricks; the hallways, and their soccer field--the color of the grass, the distribution of the grass, the kind of grass; the railings; the look of some of the rooms from the outside; even the smell of the air--much like Ancol air. Cool. Maybe when Chelle and I meet up, I'll ask her to bring Mitr's stolen shots--haay...the most gorgeous cheatmate you can ever have! 5490209...this is Mitr's phone number, I wonder why I still haven't forgotten, i don't think I got it listed somewhere... haha...all those blank calls just to hear him say hello... i was so pathetic... but it was high school and I don't think there were those wachamacallit? but it was fun. Chelle & I were Mitr-crazy but I was his biggest fan!!!

Ok. I know I'm not going anywhere already, so...t.t.f.n.!

On war: maybe it's bound to happen. and it did happen. and it still is happening. and it might take a longer time before Saddam gets killed or something. i wish it'll be over soon. i have no friends fighting in the frontline, i have no relatives trying to earn a living in iraq, but the situation still moves me. i'm safe here where I am, my loved ones are all safe where they are. but deep inside, this war affects me one way or the other. i wish mothers didn't have to weep and children didn't have to suffer. but maybe there's a reason why this had to happen. if only to show us that there will be hope in the end. oh well. Bahala na...