I might not be able to meet Jona afterall. I don't mind. She really wants to see me. What for? She thinks I'm her long lost friend. Yeah, she lost me when we entered grade 6. Thank God, I don't think I'd live another year with her. Anyway, the meeting for me would be some kind of making peace with that part of my past. I never remembered her as a friend but more of an oppressor. It'd be good if I can finally leave that past behind, anything that's left of it (time must have let most of the old anger fade away, but of course I'll never forget the way it felt). She wasn't really my friend but I stuck with her for a year only because I just moved in that school and I can't make myself join in another group, but at the same time I feel sorry to see myself all alone during lunchbreaks. God, I was such a weakling! I can't remember a memory with her which I can cherish. Whenever this group of guys in class (sexually) harassed me, she wouldn't stand up for me, whenever we quarelled, she was so good at isolating me that all I can do was walk to the chapel and cry and pray til the bell rings. She was so bossy. I hated her, but I didn't know it. I must have been too young or too nice to feel hatred. Or maybe I was too busy feeling hurt. After that, I never allowed myself to get bossed/bullied again (that's why, just recently, I had to fight Sumo, whether my fault or not--no one is gonna push me around). So anyway, nights ago when she called and she sounded like she was so happy she found me again, I thought, maybe this was gonna be some kind of closure, so I agreed to meet her, I did tell her I wouldn't forget her coz she was mean to me and she was like, no I wasn't mean to you...sounded like we were good old friends and we're alright. I guess we're alright, I'm alright, that was years ago, and we were just kids then, so I had to finally let everything go, let the tiniest grudge go. So there. But the meeting was cancelled twice already and she's leaving this Sunday for London, (she migrated 2 quarters after I left). She wanted us to meet at Glorietta this afternoon, but that would be stressful to me, I had no transpo, I can't go home at night alone, I still have school tomorrow, it'd just make me exhausted, so I told her I can only go on Fri night, and she had a problem with that. I won't be doing anything for her anymore. When I agreed to meet up with her, I'm doing it for me (of course I was also a bit curious how she was like now). She's not special for me to make double effort, so I guess I'll leave it at that. Maybe I'm being mean. I don't know. I'm not angry with her but i just don't care enough. So if I see her, fine, if I don't, fine. As for healing...it's been ages, so I guess I have, it's just unavoidable to get this things associated with negative feelings because they happened, they have become a part of me. Now, I don't mind.