Finished formulating learning issues early today. It's just the first day but we've been bombarded again. So needless to say...on with lots of reading again.

I meant to write something about Friday night, but I haven't gone online for two days so it's only now that i'll post about it...and now i lost the momentum. Well, it just made me think of my dwindling faith on some friends. Honestly, I was close to agreeing with what Iris said years ago that the cru was just a facade, only coz our busy lives made it harder to communicate and only coz i've had a riff with one of them and i just felt alone. I must be so jaded, and I mean jaded, as in really jaded, to have ever come that close to agreeing with him. But last Friday changed that. Once again, Carlo and Yel saved me. The truth is, i'm so touched when they said they're at my side ("syempre kampi kami sayo...love ka rin namin). Call it childish, but i guess that's just what I needed, to know that whether I'm in the right or wrong, it doesn't matter coz they know the good in me and they have faith. It's with people like them that you invest your friendship in. It's not only them, there's Val... I was so ready to let her go. Last year, on her birthday, I gave her a letter, and I meant every single word, even if at the back of my mind there was this hidden angst...why our friendship isn't working out the way it's supposed to... I meant everything, my hopes of working things out and placing that friendship to a level close to what we had before one day...and I expected that it wasn't gonna be easy, but time just made it hard, and I guess i got impatient that it didn't matter to me if she wanted out. But now things have become better. I hope it's not only because we're in the middle of the cru. but i sense an easing of tension. And that's a good sign. So now...I'll just let things be...in a positive light. And not think about all the why's and the should be's. For all I know, I should be the one who should get ditched! And shake off that attitude Sumo has somehow inflicted me with...crossing out friends only because she thinks they're up to no good...and worse, she can still laugh with them. I guess my point is that I want an intimate relationship with the people within the cru and not just da cru as a group, but because of our differences and the different paths we tread, it's probably not gonna surpass my expectations but I should be happy and content i have them for friends (no matter what level, no matter with whom, whether it be with the group or with every person IN the group), and having them is just one of the best things that happened to my life. They were the people who, afterall, saw me grow during those four years, the people who made me feel at ease with just being myself, the people who made me laugh, the people who wanted me present in gimmicks, the people who said, Jade, that is wrong, next time don't do it again, they're a part of me, and nothing's gonna change that. One day they'll get married, be successful, have kids, and have their own life, and maybe I won't get invited to their parties anymore, and maybe they'll even forget what Sept 30 is, and maybe all that is left to say is a single hi or bye but i wouldn't doubt the light in their eyes when we meet again after twenty years or so... because we've been through a lot in a mere four years in our timeline. And that's already a blessing.